Oct 4, 2719, 8:21 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: SEVENTH ANNUAL DUCK BONANZA!!!
Hey Steverino!
So I know you’re super busy with work stuff right now, starting your new job with the IDG and all, but I was really hoping you’d be able to make it to this year’s Duck Bonanza! Last year’s was a hit (I’m still picking tinsel and feathers out of my couch cushions!) and that puff pastry thing you brought was a huge success! Angie still talks about it when we meet up for the mandatory monthly Cleansing Procedure. We like to make a whole thing about getting coffee and catching up beforehand to make the day pass a bit faster. Cleansing is the worst.
I’m still working on securing all the ducks we’ll need (you probably wouldn’t know this, being on Okavay 12 or somewhere thereabouts, but we’ve been suffering from a waterfowl shortage here recently, you know, with the whole “desertification of all once fertile lands” and “severe fresh water depletion” and all that jazz), but I’m sure I’ll be able to pull everything together in time for the big night! Dan’s been helping (you remember Dan? You never really liked him, but he’s actually a nice guy). So yeah, he’s been helping me a lot lately.
I tried calling you directly (because who even writes emails anymore, amiright?) but some angry dude kept answering the phone all like “This is a secure channel, how did you get this number?” and I wasn't really feeling his negativity, you know? Also, those interstellar long-distance charges are no joke. But I found this email buried in a bunch of your old papers and stuff you had locked in your basement. Lucky, right?!
Anyway, hope your whole “mission” thing is going well and that you can get some time off to come hang out with your old pals back on Earth! I know you’d never forget about us.
Can’t wait to hear from you!
Your best buddy,
Jim
PS: You’re still my best buddy too, even if we don’t get to talk so much anymore.
Oct 4, 2719, 8:22 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: SEVENTH ANNUAL DUCK BONANZA!!!
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 8:22 PM on Saturday, October 4, 2719, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Oct 5, 2720, 9:13 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: EIGHTH ANNUAL DUCK BONANZA!
Hey again Stevey-boy!
So I guess you couldn’t make it to last year’s Bonanza, but that’s fine! Because this year’s is going to be even better!! Ducks are a bit harder to come by now, but I have my ways.
Anywho, I totally would have sent you this invite wayyyy sooner but I sort of only got this old computer working again, like, today. It kind of died after I sent you that invite last year. I mean, the thing is junk (it has to be wired in! It’s archaic really) but it was the only thing I could find that could still even send emails. It’s so old, maybe you never even got my invite?! You’ll get this one though, I’m sure of it! Dan thinks fixing this thing was a waste of time. I think he’s wrong.
So you’ve been gone a while now and I just thought I’d let you know that I’m taking great care of your house, just like you asked. It’s a lot easier now that I live here (I hope you don’t mind, my place is sort of… gone. Workplace mishaps, what can you do?) and I promise I’m only touching the stuff you gave me direct permission to touch, like your basement reserve of canned foods (where did you even find canned burgers??), your collection of turquoise sweaters (turquoise?? why Steve, why?), and that journal you handed me right before you left that says “KEEP OUT OF VIEW OF ALL SURVEILLANCED AREAS” on the cover (like I would ever let them know I can read). It’s come in handy a couple times I guess, but honestly your handwriting has always been so horrible, I can't actually make out most of it. Your doodles of Richard are great though!
He’s still going strong of course, cause he’s the best!! He definitely likes your place better, you have a bigger window. Man, it feels like only yesterday we were fifteen and smuggling that cactus in from the wastelands. He was a lot smaller then. I think he misses you. It’s been weird not having you around.
Anyway, hope the glorious Intergalactic Defense Garrison is treating you well! Tell your fellow space faring folk hey from the OG mining colony!
Your bestest pal,
Jim
PS: I may have broken your toaster accidentally on purpose. I needed the parts to fix the computer. Sorry. (You don’t even like toast??)
Oct 5, 2720, 9:14 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: EIGHTH ANNUAL DUCK BONANZA!
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 9:14 PM on Tuesday, October 5, 2720, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Oct 7, 2721, 7:09 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: FIRST ANNUAL JELLYFISH BONANZA!!!!!!!!!!!
Howdy Stevester!
So, no ducks this year, or any other year from now on. Well, at least not Earth ducks anyway. I heard there are some pretty insane ducks on Bhorholm though (Angie says they’ve got sharp teeth and glowing purple eyes and hiss angrily if you look at them too long, but Angie says a lot of stuff). Anyway, ducks are out, jellyfish are in! What’s left of the ocean is riddled with them, so getting hold of some will be a piece of cake. Just gotta tweak the rules of the Bonanza a bit and we’ll be peachy keen and ready to rumble!
Oh my gosh! I bet none of your IDG work friends even know what a Duck Bonanza is?! Wild. Remember when we started it back in 2713 and everyone was all like “What’s a bonanza and why do you need so many ducks?” and we just laughed and told them to come find out for themselves? Good times.
So I just realized that maybe you haven’t answered me these past couple years because maybe you couldn’t. Like, maybe you’re in some weird dead zone immune to the ancient powers of email, or maybe you're fighting a space war and can’t find a computer, or maybe time doesn’t work where you are and for you it’s only been a week since you left! I don’t know anything about space. I hope you’re ok.
Three years though… I should have seen this coming, you were always so good at school. Anyone smart like that with code always ends up getting sent off-world eventually. I guess I was just hoping they’d… overlook you or something.
OH! Wanna hear something wild?! (or read, I guess). So Dan was showing me some stuff he found on the original world server, right. You know, that ancient one that was like, “so revolutionary” at the time but could literally only cover the one planet. Anyway, he was showing me a bunch of ancient documents and stuff from before space travel. There was this huge movement to “save the planet” and all that jazz. Can you imagine that?! They were all stuck here, so I guess they thought if the planet died, they’d die too. Must have been intense. Glad none of that matters anymore!
Work sorta sucks right now. We got bumped up to a mandatory weekly Cleansing Procedure. Woooo. But who am I going to complain to? The surveillance bots?? No one from off-world has set foot here in decades. They just send those pods to come pick up people like you. Doesn’t matter though, I heard a rumor we were almost done here.
Also, your car broke. I broke it. And your dishwasher. And three of your lamps. I needed to fix the computer, it keeps… exploding a little bit every time I email you. Sorry.
I know you told me not to, but I still go out to the wastelands sometimes. I know you liked it out there. I always liked going with you. Sometimes we could actually see the sky through all the brownish smog. I thought you’d want to know, it’s still blue, way up there.
I hope you get to see a proper blue sky someday.
Your friend,
Jim
PS: Richard would say hi, but cactuses can’t talk. He means hi though.
Oct 7, 2721, 7:10 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: FIRST ANNUAL JELLYFISH BONANZA!!!!!!!!!!!
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 7:10 PM on Friday, October 7, 2721, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Oct 3, 2722, 11:46 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: Second Annual Jellyfish Bonanza
Hey Steve,
So last year’s Bonanza didn’t go… quite as planned. Ducks and jellyfish are pretty different. But I’m sure this year’s will be better. You definitely won't want to miss it.
There’s been no official statement yet, but I think we’re about done here. This planet’s basically been used up. It’s all just… dust. The possibility of leaving is pretty exciting I guess. I’ve always wanted to travel the universe. To see stars. But I was never smart enough, not like you.
We’ve been working double time since winter. It’s been… fine. On the up side, no more Cleansing Procedures. Angie and I still go for coffee though, when we can find it.
I haven’t talked to Dan in a while. We got into an argument. About you actually. He thinks it’s dumb that I even try inviting you at all, that it’s a waste of time and resources to keep fixing this damn computer every year (though I am getting pretty good at it). He says that you’ve probably forgotten about us. That you were more than happy to leave us behind. But I know that isn’t true. Right?
I’ve been thinking a lot about those people, the ones from way back before they knew there were other planets they could live on. They must have been so scared.
I keep trying to call your number, hoping to at least hear that angry guy yelling at me about network security breaches and intergalactic channel privacy laws. But all I ever hear now is static.
It worked better with ducks.
I miss you.
Yours,
Jim
PS: Richard died. I’m sorry.
Oct 3, 2722, 11:47 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: Second Annual Jellyfish Bonanza
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 11:47 PM on Tuesday, October 3, 2722, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Oct 29, 2723, 5:33 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: THIRD AND LAST ANNUAL JELLYFISH BONANZA/TOTALLY SPECTACULAR GOODBYE PLANET PARTY!!
Good news Steve!
Earth is officially dead!
This place is downright uninhabitable now, so it’s a good thing they’re sending a ship for us in a couple of weeks! After that they’ll start shutting everything down, and ohhhh boyyy do you not want to be around for that. The atmosphere’s so shot you can’t walk across the street without a breather. Those things may be damn uncomfortable, but I’ll wear one anyday over suffocating!
I don’t know where we’re going yet, but I hope it’s somewhere with fresh air, maybe even trees! Oh man, I can’t wait to finally see the stars! Angie and me are throwing a huge party to celebrate. It’ll be the biggest Bonanza yet!!
Man, these past couple years have been rough, (and I mean rough) but it will all be worth it, won’t it?! I wonder if we’ll run into you. I know the universe is a big place and you’re probably busy doing important Garrison stuff to “keep humanity safe” and all that jazz, but you never know! Man, wouldn’t that be something?
Don't worry, I'll destroy this old computer for good before I go. Just in case. They’ll deactivate all the bots once we’re gone, but I know how paranoid you can get. I’m keeping the journal though. Maybe I can’t read your handwriting all that good, but it’s still your handwriting. How could I leave it behind?
Also I’m gonna steal one of your sweaters cause I hear space is hella cold (even though turquoise is the worst colour Steve).
Wow. Space! I can hardly believe it! Who would have ever thought that someone like me would get to see the stars? So, cheers I guess, from one intrepid space explorer to another.
Your best friend,
Jim
PS: I went back out into the wastelands a couple nights ago. I was trying to see a star. I didn’t, but I did find a small cactus. Has a cactus ever gone to space?
Oct 29, 2723, 5:34 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: THIRD AND LAST JELLYFISH BONANZA/TOTALLY SPECTACULAR GOODBYE PLANET PARTY!!
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 5:34 PM on Monday, October 29, 2723, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Dec 24, 2723, 10:58 PM
To: stevensmith123@idgsecure.gal
From: yourpaljim@gmailgama.com
Subject: no subject
There was never any ship.
I don’t know why you never answered anything I sent you these past years. Maybe you had your reasons, maybe you didn’t. I guess it doesn’t really matter.
I just hope that wherever you are, Steven, whatever you’re doing, you’re happy. And I hope that sometimes, when you get dirt caked under your fingernails, or feel the slightest burn of rain against your skin, or smell dust and ash on the wind, or see that familiar shade of blue you spent so many months trying to catch a glimpse of, you’ll think about Earth, about us. You’ll be the only one left to remember, after all.
We were happy here.
I think I understand now, how all those people felt back then.
Love,
Jim
Dec 24, 2723, 10:59 PM
To: yourpaljim@gmailgama.ca
From: idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal
Cc: admin123@idgsecure/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: Re: no subject
<br/><br/>------------------------------------<br/>At 10:59 PM on Tuesday, December 24, 2723, System - No Reply &idg;no-repy@idgsecure.system/security.gal> wrote<br/>This is an automated reply.<br /><br />You have attempted to access a secure server to which you have no authorization.<br /><br />Please stand by for full system recalibration.<br />IDG
Dec 25, 2723, 11:11 AM
From: yourpalsteven@idgsecure.admin/no-reply-archieve.gal
Subject: The ducks on Plune are blue and so are the skies
Jim,
There is a ship coming. I promise.
I never forgot about you.
Wait for me,
Steven